“Easier said than done.”

January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 April 2012 May 2012 January 2013
F
I just know it. It's never gonna happen. It's just all say but no action is gonna come out of it. How can you speak so callously? But I am to blame afterall, for I take your words too seriously. I take everything too seriously. You have to be responsible for me, worry about me and her which stresses you out as much as I do and that's not the only responsibility. You have other issues to deal with, in fact, too much on your mind. I'm just another burden. Not only do you need to keep your cool, you have to put up with my sarcasm and attitude which I can't help at times. Sometimes words just escape me before I can control it. I'm trying but that doesn't seem good enough. I really wished you didn't say it, not at all. It would stop me from getting my hopes up. No expectations, no disappointments right. Well then again, its not the first time it happened anyway. I just don't learn how to manage my expectations. I feel like a fool, falling for it every single time.

Welcome to the real world.

No plans on a saturday night, going back home alone to an empty house. So this is probably how it feels like to be alone. Truly alone, with nobody. How do I live when the day comes?

Actually I haven't been doing well lately. I'm not fine. Don't believe the smiles I carry no matter how genuine they may seem. I've just been trying to hold it together. You have no idea. The stress, everything is getting to me. Just because I hide them doesn't mean I don't feel them. I know you are overwhelmed enough I just don't wanna bother you with my stuff which probably pales in comparison. You asked me not to think so much, maybe I do but you're not me, you can't understand why this is so important to me, why I'm so bothered and stressed out by it. You see that smile I carry around on my face? I think you believe it. Or at least you pretend to anyway.